Normal people have arbitrary ideas of what brings them joy. Regardless of how these perceptions developed, they have only random correlation to what benefits. As a consequence, their degree of happiness fluctuates like a ship on the sea. Happiness tied to anything but benefit is fleeting. It doesn’t tend to endure very long in this life, and it can’t endure after this life.
Those who insist on choosing less than the maximal benefit in life will find themselves working against the Lord. Everything he does is calculated to maximize benefit. Any deviation from that is contrary to his work and his will. Those who work against God can’t invoke his help in obtaining greater happiness, because their objectives differ from his.
To the extent you choose to have joy from the things that benefit, you will have far more joy than if you tie your joy to anything else. Joy from benefit to you and others is eternal. This kind of joy can be maximized through obtaining and leveraging the tools and power that God provides.
Many people believe that pain and sorrow are things that act on you. This idea governs how they choose to interact with the world, but it is a foolish one. Even the briefest consideration would show that this belief is false.
Suffering is neither good nor bad in and of itself. The goodness or badness of suffering lies fully in the perspective of the sufferer. If it is according to a purpose, suffering can be good and even sought out. A woman seeks out the suffering of pregnancy and childbirth because she believes in its purpose. Perceived purpose converts sorrow into joy.
How you feel is not dictated by what happens to you. Suppose your spouse dies suddenly but you haven’t heard the news. Alternatively, suppose you have won the lottery but you haven’t checked the numbers yet. In both cases, extreme emotional response would seem unavoidable, but you don’t yet know, so you don’t react. Clearly, it is not the situation itself that causes the response, but the perception of the situation. Clearly, the subjective perception of the situation is what generates the response. You can only influence reality so much, but you have full control over your perception of it!
You don’t have to feel bad even if bad things happen to you, any more than you have to feel good when good things happen to you. You control how you feel by how you react to what happens to you, and you do this by how you interpret reality. You fully control your perceptions.
Consider the following scriptural example of how perceptions can drive experience. Here, a husband (Lehi) and wife (Sariah) react very differently to the extended absence of their children on a journey suggested by Lehi’s vision from God:
1 And it came to pass that after we had come down into the wilderness unto our father, behold, he was filled with joy, and also my mother, Sariah, was exceedingly glad, for she truly had mourned because of us.
2 For she had supposed that we had perished in the wilderness; and she also had complained against my father, telling him that he was a visionary man; saying: Behold thou hast led us forth from the land of our inheritance, and my sons are no more, and we perish in the wilderness.
3 And after this manner of language had my mother complained against my father.
4 And it had come to pass that my father spake unto her, saying: I know that I am a visionary man; for if I had not seen the things of God in a vision I should not have known the goodness of God, but had tarried at Jerusalem, and had perished with my brethren.
5 But behold, I have obtained a land of promise, in the which things I do rejoice; yea, and I know that the Lord will deliver my sons out of the hands of Laban, and bring them down again unto us in the wilderness.
6 And after this manner of language did my father, Lehi, comfort my mother, Sariah, concerning us, while we journeyed in the wilderness up to the land of Jerusalem, to obtain the record of the Jews.
7 And when we had returned to the tent of my father, behold their joy was full, and my mother was comforted.
8 And she spake, saying: Now I know of a surety that the Lord hath commanded my husband to flee into the wilderness; yea, and I also know of a surety that the Lord hath protected my sons, and delivered them out of the hands of Laban, and given them power whereby they could accomplish the thing which the Lord hath commanded them. And after this manner of language did she speak.
9 And it came to pass that they did rejoice exceedingly, and did offer sacrifice and burnt offerings unto the Lord; and they gave thanks unto the God of Israel. (1 Nephi 5)
At the conclusion of the matter, both had full joy, but Lehi did not have to suffer first as Sariah did. How was he able to have joy the whole time, where she first had to suffer? Lehi began this experience by trusting in God. He filled in the unknown aspects of the situation in a way that assumed that God’s love and power would bless them. Sariah assumed the unknown aspects of the situation would transpire in a way that would cause her harm. Because Lehi’s perception of reality was infused with trust in God’s love, this situation was insufficient to temporarily steal his joy.
Heaven and hell are literal places. Where they are is determined by their physical location. But how they are is completely governed by the perspective chosen by those that inhabit them.
It is the perspective of those in heaven that allows them to dwell in eternal happiness in the presence of God. It is the perspective of those in hell that prevents them from doing the same:
...Do ye suppose that ye could be happy to dwell with that holy Being, when your souls are racked with a consciousness of guilt that ye have ever abused his laws? (Mormon 9:3)
Heaven and hell are no different except in the perception of the occupants. Heaven itself would be torturous to any who are unprepared to appreciate it. Obtaining heaven is not about obtaining a reward, but rather about preparing one’s character to recognize and appreciate what it entails as a positive experience. Those who come into God’s presence unprepared are not filled with joy. They are filled with terror.
We like to think things that are good are always good and things that are bad are always bad. In actuality, nothing is good or bad innately. Rather, good and bad are constructs that are wholly dependent upon the circumstances and perspectives of those involved. What is good for one under one set of circumstances is bad for another under different circumstances.
As it is with good and bad, so it is with joy. A given outcome can produce a fullness of joy in one person and nothing but pain in another.
Every outcome has the potential of producing a different range and depth of joy. Not all outcomes can produce the same degree of joy, and even for a given outcome, the amount of joy actually experienced by individuals will vary depending on their experience and perspectives.
Lasting joy and happiness come from within, not from without. “The backslider in heart shall be filled with his own ways: and a good man shall be satisfied from himself.” (Proverbs 14:14) Enduring joy and happiness are not about what happens, but how you interpret it.
To grow in lasting joy and happiness, you have to grow in your ability to perceive the good in situations that don’t seem good. The way you do this is by learning more of what God knows and becoming more like he is. The more you seek to acquire and assimilate God’s character and knowledge, the more your perceptions will match his, and the more joy you will have.
Learning the value of things
If value is the source of joy, how do we increase value? By increasing desire and appreciation. These things come from our perceptions. They can be informed by observation, by introspection, by choice, and by experience.
Jesus said:
Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you. (Matthew 7:6)
A pig’s primary concern in life is to eat ravenously. They do not want pearls. They want slop. Slop is far less valuable than pearls, but they don’t know that. Pigs do not value pearls any more than dirt. Dogs are similar. Animals do not perceive value in even the most valuable things. To them, all experience is reduced to a narrow band: something is either food or not, and most things that should not be food are still considered food (dogs eat vomit, pigs eat anything).
By default, humans are animalistic in their recognition of value. Instead of joy, we seek pleasure. Instead of lasting benefit, we seek what can titillate us here and now, without regard to future penalty or risk. Jesus said:
45 Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls:
46 Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it. (Matthew 13)
Merchants spend their career learning the value of things. They buy things for less than they are worth and then sell them for what they are worth. They make their living by repeatedly trading everything they have for something more.
By default, humans are poor judges of value. They do not learn to discern between good and evil. They do not know the true cost of things, and they do not know the true value of things. They do not realize that what is better always requires more than what is worse.
Jesus said:
Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto treasure hid in a field; the which when a man hath found, he hideth, and for joy thereof goeth and selleth all that he hath, and buyeth that field. (Matthew 13:44)
By default, humans do not know the difference between a normal field and a field that contains a treasure. They do not seek for hidden treasures, and only see the surface of the fields. They do not seek to see things in a different, more accurate light. They do not seek to differentiate between the commonplace and the valuable.
It is incorrect to think that what will bring you the greatest joy will be obvious to you or easy to obtain. It will be neither. By default, you are like a pig who can’t tell the difference between pearls and slop, a novice merchant who misjudges the value of things of great worth, and like a farmer who has no interest in seeking buried treasures in seemingly ordinary fields.
Joy comes from value. It isn’t intrinsic. There is no such thing as something that is equally valuable to everyone, because value is dependent on perception, and perception varies.
Value does not come from the price paid for it. Rather, it comes from what you get out of it. You can get something for free and value it highly, and you can pay dearly for something and feel it is worthless.
Value comes from the use you can derive from something. An expensive hammer and an inexpensive hammer could have inverted values if the inexpensive hammer works better than the expensive one.
Life is just as much about gaining the perception to value what God values as it is obtaining what God values. When you don't value something, you can't have joy. Adam and Eve dwelled with God in Eden, but because their lack of experience prevented them from valuing what they had, they did not know joy until after they were ejected from his presence.
It is easy to take for granted the valuable things we are constantly showered with: “And your minds in times past have been darkened because of unbelief, and because you have treated lightly the things you have received...." (D&C 84:54) Yet, these “small and simple” things can be critically valuable:
6 ...by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.
7 And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls. (Alma 37)
Several scriptures describe the unimaginable magnitude of the good things God is willing to give us:
But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. (1 Corinthians 2:9)
For since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither hath the eye seen, O God, beside thee, what he hath prepared for him that waiteth for him. (Isaiah 64:4)
Why are these blessings so difficult to describe? Why have they not been heard or seen?
One reason is because we do not yet have the perception necessary to recognize these things as blessings, even if they (or their precedents) are all around us. In other words, were you to describe it to a person who has not obtained it, they would just see those events as very normal.
There isn't anything in heaven that doesn't have a precedent here. It is quite easy for God to say "you know that thing? That thing here is just like this other thing in heaven. That is the sort of thing that awaits you if you love me." But he doesn't do this often, or rather for many people. Or for hardly any.
Paul knew many of these things. He had been there, after all. He could have given a sermon on the things he knew, but he didn't. Instead, he said “eye hath not seen,” etc. Why? Because when you tell people these things in plainness, they don't understand them or worse, they reject them, because these things, whatever they are, don't match their preconceived notions of what heaven ought to be like. They do not value the true qualities of heaven like those in heaven do.
Obtaining maximal joy requires obtaining those things that have the ability to deliver maximal joy and learning the value of those things. Having only one of these two requirements is insufficient to produce maximal joy.
Part of the purpose of the gospel is to help us establish a more correct valuation of things that are available here. By default, we place great value on carnal things that actually have very little value when seen in the context of a greater understanding of reality. For example, a child finds a piece of candy immensely valuable. An adult finds a first-world home immensely valuable. An elderly person finds independence immensely valuable. In the scope of things as they really are, each of these things and many more besides have very little value. By default, we place very little value in things that are actually good: honesty, unconditional love, patience, service, etc. As greater degrees of reality are revealed to us, by suffering if need be, our valuations adjust to be more accurate.
The gospel reveals hidden levels of sorrow and joy in “normal” life. It increases the depth of our awareness in knowledge, but also in emotion. If you asked one who loves God what their happiest moments are, they would start with something that just happened in the last few days because their happiness steadily increases through time, and they would also describe things that to you would seem quite normal. Perhaps they would be overcome with joy at remembering a momentary interaction with one of their children, or finishing a challenging but seemingly mundane task at home or work.
Awareness not only increases the amount of joy you experience, but also increases the quantity of joy you find in things you are already aware of. One New Testament story helps illustrate this principle:
36 And one of the Pharisees desired him that he would eat with him. And he went into the Pharisee’s house, and sat down to meat.
37 And, behold, a woman in the city, which was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at meat in the Pharisee’s house, brought an alabaster box of ointment,
38 And stood at his feet behind him weeping, and began to wash his feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hairs of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with the ointment.
39 Now when the Pharisee which had bidden him saw it, he spake within himself, saying, This man, if he were a prophet, would have known who and what manner of woman this is that toucheth him: for she is a sinner.
40 And Jesus answering said unto him, Simon, I have somewhat to say unto thee. And he saith, Master, say on.
41 There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty.
42 And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?
43 Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged.
44 And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.
45 Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet.
46 My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment.
47 Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.
48 And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven.
49 And they that sat at meat with him began to say within themselves, Who is this that forgiveth sins also?
50 And he said to the woman, Thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace. (Luke 7)
This man Simon had invited Jesus to his home in spite of the negative press it would bring. And yet, Simon appreciated Jesus far less than the woman who was also present. Jesus had power to forgive the sins of both Simon and the woman. While forgiveness was of equal objective value to both these people, the woman was far more appreciative of that value than Simon, because she was much more aware of what it would mean to have it.
Likewise, you probably take a great deal of what is offered to you for granted—whether you presently have it or whether you merely have the means to obtain it. Central to your quest for obtaining greater joy is obtaining a more accurate valuation of what you take for granted. What is common to one is a treasure to another. What is mundane to one offers supernal peace to another. What is boring to one is infinitely interesting to another.
How God teaches us the value of things
By default, humans do not find beneficial things pleasurable:
For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father. (Mosiah 3:19)
It is only through consistent and prolonged subjection to the influence towards greater things that a person can develop a love for what they ought to love—that which helps them improve the most:
`The works of the Lord are great, sought out of all them that have pleasure therein. (Psalm 111:2)`
`Praise ye the Lord. Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord, that delighteth greatly in his commandments. (Psalm 112:1)`
We learn to find good things pleasurable through practice. We iteratively exercise trust in God by acting in obedience to what he says, even when it seems extreme or risky. As our experience validates his wisdom, we gain sufficient trust to endure more difficult situations without losing the hope of a positive outcome.
God teaches us the value of things by incrementally revealing to us a greater understanding of how things really are. He subjects us to a greater share of the consequences of what we believe. He exposes us to a greater share of what there is to know.
God typically teaches you the value of things by showing you previously unseen negative aspects of what you thought was good or neutral. He shows you how rare happiness is, or how unreliable people are, or how fleeting joy can be. He is limited in how quickly and completely he can do this by the trust you have in him, as revealing these things to one who didn’t trust him would quickly overwhelm them.
Do you know the true value of what is possible in this life? Can you know the true value until you’ve hungered and thirsted after these things, and until you’ve paid the price for others to have them from you? From common things—like children, food, and shelter—to more elusive things— like peace, forgiveness, altruistic service, and unconditional love—correct valuation requires experience, and experience requires pain.
God will teach you the greater value of things you take for granted by taking those things away from you. He will teach you the lesser value of things you unjustifiably treasure by exposing their limits to you. He will teach you the greater value of things you do not yet know to seek by exposing you to the needs those things fulfill. All of these lessons require suffering, but all of them provide a pathway to far greater joy.
Instead of rejoicing in opportunities to learn the value of things, we are upset with God. “Let favour be shewed to the wicked, yet will he not learn righteousness...” (Isaiah 26:10)
Jesus once said: “I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now.” (John 16:12) Likewise, there are many things that he needs to tell us to help us have more joy, but we can’t bear them now because were he to tell us, we would be offended by them.
Why do “...fools despise wisdom and instruction”? (Proverbs 1:7) Because it hurts before it feels good. Fools want to feel good, not be good. They are willing to feel better as long as it doesn’t require them to first feel worse.
Jesus said: “...blessed is he, whosoever shall not be offended in me.” (Luke 7:23) Those who trust God enough to trust what comes from him, even if it hurts, will be blessed far more than those who do not.
So much of what is offered is rejected because of preconceived notions. This is, for example, the key to understanding Peter’s otherwise cryptic saying about the “things the angels desire to look into” but did not obtain (see 1 Peter 1:12). Why did angels merely desire to look into greater things? What held them back? Why didn’t they actually obtain greater things instead of merely desiring to look into them? Because they were not willing to pay the price. They were willing to believe there were radically better things available than what they had experienced, but not willing to believe that the price was also radically more than they expected.
The amount of joy you receive will be determined by how much you are willing to suffer. The amount of light you receive is determined by how much darkness you are willing to walk through because the amount of light you perceive is determined by how much darkness you experience.
For example, when we read how Ammon and his companions experienced incomprehensible joy after their epic missionary labors, we are told what it cost them:
And this is an account of Ammon and his brethren, their journeyings...their sufferings...their sorrows, and their afflictions, and their incomprehensible joy...” (Alma 28:8)
Interestingly, even among this group where each person experienced “incomprehensible joy,” there was still a significant difference in the amount of joy each individual felt. Ammon, for instance, felt so much joy that he was physically overcome:
17 Now the joy of Ammon was so great even that he was full; yea, he was swallowed up in the joy of his God, even to the exhausting of his strength; and he fell again to the earth.
18 Now was not this exceeding joy? Behold, this is joy which none receiveth save it be the truly penitent and humble seeker of happiness.
19 Now the joy of Alma in meeting his brethren was truly great, and also the joy of Aaron, of Omner, and Himni; but behold their joy was not that to exceed their strength. (Alma 27)
Why was Ammon’s joy greater than the others? He had sacrificed more. Why do you need to be truly penitent and humble and a seeker of happiness to obtain such levels of joy? Because those who are not penitent will not submit to the negative experiences required to get there, those who are not humble will never recognize the value of things others take for granted, and those who do not seek happiness will never find anything different than what they have by default.
What you learn is limited by your level of humility. People tend to be terrible at accurately measuring blessings and suffering in ourselves and others. There are those who think their lives are abundant when they are actually shockingly beneath their potential. There are those who think their lives are awful when they aren’t remarkably worse than others. There are those who falsely believe that some people have it much better than they do. There are those who vastly underestimate the suffering of others. Your ability to improve your valuation of life’s experiences will depend on the accuracy of your perception of reality.
There is no need to limit yourself to those things that are learned by your own experience. You can reflect on the situations of other people. Perhaps you can gain greater appreciation for having functioning legs by sincerely reflecting upon the condition of a paralyzed person. Perhaps you can gain greater appreciation for having comfortable shelter by sincerely reflecting upon the plight of a homeless person. Perhaps you can gain greater appreciation for the food you eat by reflecting on those who do not have enough to eat. Perhaps you can gain greater appreciation for your job by reflecting on the situation of those who have no job or have to work harder for less pay than you.
If you have no need, you have no joy
The Lord once told the story of David eating bread set apart for priests. He explained why David ate the bread:
And he said unto them, Have ye never read what David did, when he had need, and was an hungred, he, and they that were with him? (Mark 2:25).
The Lord differentiated having need and being hungry. David was both hungry and wanted to eat. You can be hungry and be fasting, or you can be hungry and want to eat.
Many other scriptures make distinctions between need and want. The Lord “healed them that had need of healing.” (Luke 9:11) It does not say he healed all the sick, but only those that had need of healing. He only healed those who desired it. The Lord said, “joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.” (Luke 15:7)
Everyone is a sinner, therefore everyone needs to repent. But not everyone chooses to recognize that. Not everyone wants to.
There is a difference between what you have and what you appreciate. There is a difference between what you could have and what you want. You don’t always want what you need, and you don’t always need what you want.
You can only have joy in what you appreciate. You can only have joy in what you want.
Of what value is a gift if it is not desired, used, or appreciated? It has no value beyond how much it is desired, used, and appreciated. Only that which is valued can bring joy. Consider the Lord’s teachings from Matthew 7:
7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. (Matthew 7)
What does it mean to ask? Does it just mean to verbally request? What does it mean to seek? To knock? What does it mean to seek with all your heart, might, mind, and strength? What would it require if seeking required all your desire, all your capacity, all your intelligence, and all your effort? Those who do this will find what they seek.
9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? (Matthew 7)
In order to have joy in a gift, you must appreciate the gift. Part of God answering a request for “bread” is ensuring that the recipient knows what it is like to really be hungry. Part of God answering a request for “a fish” is ensuring the recipient knows what it is like to only have bread to eat. The purpose of God’s work is not to relieve suffering, but to increase joy. Therefore, the more the petitions we make are focused on relieving our suffering, the less recognizable will be his responses, which will always wend toward helping us grow in appreciation for what we take for granted.
One way to learn to appreciate something is to experience what it is like to be without it. A glass of water is much more valuable to a person who has spent three days in the desert than to a person in normal life.
Whether you lose something you once had, or whether you comprehend what it would be like to have something you have not yet received, in both cases learning to appreciate something requires suffering. The Lord himself was said to have learned “obedience by the things which he suffered.” (Hebrews 5:8) You learn obedience by the things you suffer because by suffering, you learn the wisdom of submitting to what God teaches you: “It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.” (Psalm 119:71)
Value is determined by what you are willing to pay for something. Those who are prepared to receive all that God has must be willing to pay any price for it. If you are unwilling to do, become, not do, or not become anything , you set limits on what you are willing to receive, and you do so because of a lack of value. What you are able to receive is limited only by what you are willing to suffer in order to receive it.
Suffering is what shows us what we need. It is what unlocks our willingness to do what it takes to obtain the joy we say we seek. Consider the example of a certain blind man that was healed by Jesus:
35 And it came to pass, that as he was come nigh unto Jericho, a certain blind man sat by the way side begging:
36 And hearing the multitude pass by, he asked what it meant.
37 And they told him, that Jesus of Nazareth passeth by.
38 And he cried, saying, Jesus, thou son of David, have mercy on me.
39 And they which went before rebuked him, that he should hold his peace: but he cried so much the more, Thou son of David, have mercy on me.
40 And Jesus stood, and commanded him to be brought unto him: and when he was come near, he asked him,
41 Saying, What wilt thou that I shall do unto thee? And he said, Lord, that I may receive my sight.
42 And Jesus said unto him, Receive thy sight: thy faith hath saved thee.
43 And immediately he received his sight. (Luke 18)
This man deeply felt the loss he experienced by being blind. His motivation was sufficient not only to seek Jesus, but to actively overcome his disciples, who told him to go away and be quiet. Instead of listening to the crowd, he shouted that much louder. Had he not been willing to act so radically, he would not have been healed.
There are many joyous outcomes in this life only available to those who are willing to shout past the voices of the mainstream. To help you marshal the motivation sufficient to encounter them, God will help you comprehend your unmet needs through either taking away what you thought you had or causing you to comprehend what you have yet to obtain. This will help you find joy in what you otherwise would not have appreciated: “The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.” (Proverbs 27:7)