By default, humans do not find beneficial things pleasurable:
For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father. (Mosiah 3:19)
It is only through consistent and prolonged subjection to the influence towards greater things that a person can develop a love for what they ought to love—that which helps them improve the most:
`The works of the Lord are great, sought out of all them that have pleasure therein. (Psalm 111:2)`
`Praise ye the Lord. Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord, that delighteth greatly in his commandments. (Psalm 112:1)`
We learn to find good things pleasurable through practice. We iteratively exercise trust in God by acting in obedience to what he says, even when it seems extreme or risky. As our experience validates his wisdom, we gain sufficient trust to endure more difficult situations without losing the hope of a positive outcome.
God teaches us the value of things by incrementally revealing to us a greater understanding of how things really are. He subjects us to a greater share of the consequences of what we believe. He exposes us to a greater share of what there is to know.
God typically teaches you the value of things by showing you previously unseen negative aspects of what you thought was good or neutral. He shows you how rare happiness is, or how unreliable people are, or how fleeting joy can be. He is limited in how quickly and completely he can do this by the trust you have in him, as revealing these things to one who didn’t trust him would quickly overwhelm them.
Do you know the true value of what is possible in this life? Can you know the true value until you’ve hungered and thirsted after these things, and until you’ve paid the price for others to have them from you? From common things—like children, food, and shelter—to more elusive things— like peace, forgiveness, altruistic service, and unconditional love—correct valuation requires experience, and experience requires pain.
God will teach you the greater value of things you take for granted by taking those things away from you. He will teach you the lesser value of things you unjustifiably treasure by exposing their limits to you. He will teach you the greater value of things you do not yet know to seek by exposing you to the needs those things fulfill. All of these lessons require suffering, but all of them provide a pathway to far greater joy.
Instead of rejoicing in opportunities to learn the value of things, we are upset with God. “Let favour be shewed to the wicked, yet will he not learn righteousness...” (Isaiah 26:10)
Jesus once said: “I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now.” (John 16:12) Likewise, there are many things that he needs to tell us to help us have more joy, but we can’t bear them now because were he to tell us, we would be offended by them.
Why do “...fools despise wisdom and instruction”? (Proverbs 1:7) Because it hurts before it feels good. Fools want to feel good, not be good. They are willing to feel better as long as it doesn’t require them to first feel worse.
Jesus said: “...blessed is he, whosoever shall not be offended in me.” (Luke 7:23) Those who trust God enough to trust what comes from him, even if it hurts, will be blessed far more than those who do not.
So much of what is offered is rejected because of preconceived notions. This is, for example, the key to understanding Peter’s otherwise cryptic saying about the “things the angels desire to look into” but did not obtain (see 1 Peter 1:12). Why did angels merely desire to look into greater things? What held them back? Why didn’t they actually obtain greater things instead of merely desiring to look into them? Because they were not willing to pay the price. They were willing to believe there were radically better things available than what they had experienced, but not willing to believe that the price was also radically more than they expected.
The amount of joy you receive will be determined by how much you are willing to suffer. The amount of light you receive is determined by how much darkness you are willing to walk through because the amount of light you perceive is determined by how much darkness you experience.
For example, when we read how Ammon and his companions experienced incomprehensible joy after their epic missionary labors, we are told what it cost them:
And this is an account of Ammon and his brethren, their journeyings...their sufferings...their sorrows, and their afflictions, and their incomprehensible joy...” (Alma 28:8)
Interestingly, even among this group where each person experienced “incomprehensible joy,” there was still a significant difference in the amount of joy each individual felt. Ammon, for instance, felt so much joy that he was physically overcome:
17 Now the joy of Ammon was so great even that he was full; yea, he was swallowed up in the joy of his God, even to the exhausting of his strength; and he fell again to the earth.
18 Now was not this exceeding joy? Behold, this is joy which none receiveth save it be the truly penitent and humble seeker of happiness.
19 Now the joy of Alma in meeting his brethren was truly great, and also the joy of Aaron, of Omner, and Himni; but behold their joy was not that to exceed their strength. (Alma 27)
Why was Ammon’s joy greater than the others? He had sacrificed more. Why do you need to be truly penitent and humble and a seeker of happiness to obtain such levels of joy? Because those who are not penitent will not submit to the negative experiences required to get there, those who are not humble will never recognize the value of things others take for granted, and those who do not seek happiness will never find anything different than what they have by default.
What you learn is limited by your level of humility. People tend to be terrible at accurately measuring blessings and suffering in ourselves and others. There are those who think their lives are abundant when they are actually shockingly beneath their potential. There are those who think their lives are awful when they aren’t remarkably worse than others. There are those who falsely believe that some people have it much better than they do. There are those who vastly underestimate the suffering of others. Your ability to improve your valuation of life’s experiences will depend on the accuracy of your perception of reality.
There is no need to limit yourself to those things that are learned by your own experience. You can reflect on the situations of other people. Perhaps you can gain greater appreciation for having functioning legs by sincerely reflecting upon the condition of a paralyzed person. Perhaps you can gain greater appreciation for having comfortable shelter by sincerely reflecting upon the plight of a homeless person. Perhaps you can gain greater appreciation for the food you eat by reflecting on those who do not have enough to eat. Perhaps you can gain greater appreciation for your job by reflecting on the situation of those who have no job or have to work harder for less pay than you.