Normal people have arbitrary ideas of what brings them joy. Regardless of how these perceptions developed, they have only random correlation to what benefits. As a consequence, their degree of happiness fluctuates like a ship on the sea. Happiness tied to anything but benefit is fleeting. It doesn’t tend to endure very long in this life, and it can’t endure after this life.
Those who insist on choosing less than the maximal benefit in life will find themselves working against the Lord. Everything he does is calculated to maximize benefit. Any deviation from that is contrary to his work and his will. Those who work against God can’t invoke his help in obtaining greater happiness, because their objectives differ from his.
To the extent you choose to have joy from the things that benefit, you will have far more joy than if you tie your joy to anything else. Joy from benefit to you and others is eternal. This kind of joy can be maximized through obtaining and leveraging the tools and power that God provides.
Many people believe that pain and sorrow are things that act on you. This idea governs how they choose to interact with the world, but it is a foolish one. Even the briefest consideration would show that this belief is false.
Suffering is neither good nor bad in and of itself. The goodness or badness of suffering lies fully in the perspective of the sufferer. If it is according to a purpose, suffering can be good and even sought out. A woman seeks out the suffering of pregnancy and childbirth because she believes in its purpose. Perceived purpose converts sorrow into joy.
How you feel is not dictated by what happens to you. Suppose your spouse dies suddenly but you haven’t heard the news. Alternatively, suppose you have won the lottery but you haven’t checked the numbers yet. In both cases, extreme emotional response would seem unavoidable, but you don’t yet know, so you don’t react. Clearly, it is not the situation itself that causes the response, but the perception of the situation. Clearly, the subjective perception of the situation is what generates the response. You can only influence reality so much, but you have full control over your perception of it!
You don’t have to feel bad even if bad things happen to you, any more than you have to feel good when good things happen to you. You control how you feel by how you react to what happens to you, and you do this by how you interpret reality. You fully control your perceptions.
Consider the following scriptural example of how perceptions can drive experience. Here, a husband (Lehi) and wife (Sariah) react very differently to the extended absence of their children on a journey suggested by Lehi’s vision from God:
1 And it came to pass that after we had come down into the wilderness unto our father, behold, he was filled with joy, and also my mother, Sariah, was exceedingly glad, for she truly had mourned because of us.
2 For she had supposed that we had perished in the wilderness; and she also had complained against my father, telling him that he was a visionary man; saying: Behold thou hast led us forth from the land of our inheritance, and my sons are no more, and we perish in the wilderness.
3 And after this manner of language had my mother complained against my father.
4 And it had come to pass that my father spake unto her, saying: I know that I am a visionary man; for if I had not seen the things of God in a vision I should not have known the goodness of God, but had tarried at Jerusalem, and had perished with my brethren.
5 But behold, I have obtained a land of promise, in the which things I do rejoice; yea, and I know that the Lord will deliver my sons out of the hands of Laban, and bring them down again unto us in the wilderness.
6 And after this manner of language did my father, Lehi, comfort my mother, Sariah, concerning us, while we journeyed in the wilderness up to the land of Jerusalem, to obtain the record of the Jews.
7 And when we had returned to the tent of my father, behold their joy was full, and my mother was comforted.
8 And she spake, saying: Now I know of a surety that the Lord hath commanded my husband to flee into the wilderness; yea, and I also know of a surety that the Lord hath protected my sons, and delivered them out of the hands of Laban, and given them power whereby they could accomplish the thing which the Lord hath commanded them. And after this manner of language did she speak.
9 And it came to pass that they did rejoice exceedingly, and did offer sacrifice and burnt offerings unto the Lord; and they gave thanks unto the God of Israel. (1 Nephi 5)
At the conclusion of the matter, both had full joy, but Lehi did not have to suffer first as Sariah did. How was he able to have joy the whole time, where she first had to suffer? Lehi began this experience by trusting in God. He filled in the unknown aspects of the situation in a way that assumed that God’s love and power would bless them. Sariah assumed the unknown aspects of the situation would transpire in a way that would cause her harm. Because Lehi’s perception of reality was infused with trust in God’s love, this situation was insufficient to temporarily steal his joy.
Heaven and hell are literal places. Where they are is determined by their physical location. But how they are is completely governed by the perspective chosen by those that inhabit them.
It is the perspective of those in heaven that allows them to dwell in eternal happiness in the presence of God. It is the perspective of those in hell that prevents them from doing the same:
...Do ye suppose that ye could be happy to dwell with that holy Being, when your souls are racked with a consciousness of guilt that ye have ever abused his laws? (Mormon 9:3)
Heaven and hell are no different except in the perception of the occupants. Heaven itself would be torturous to any who are unprepared to appreciate it. Obtaining heaven is not about obtaining a reward, but rather about preparing one’s character to recognize and appreciate what it entails as a positive experience. Those who come into God’s presence unprepared are not filled with joy. They are filled with terror.
We like to think things that are good are always good and things that are bad are always bad. In actuality, nothing is good or bad innately. Rather, good and bad are constructs that are wholly dependent upon the circumstances and perspectives of those involved. What is good for one under one set of circumstances is bad for another under different circumstances.
As it is with good and bad, so it is with joy. A given outcome can produce a fullness of joy in one person and nothing but pain in another.
Every outcome has the potential of producing a different range and depth of joy. Not all outcomes can produce the same degree of joy, and even for a given outcome, the amount of joy actually experienced by individuals will vary depending on their experience and perspectives.
Lasting joy and happiness come from within, not from without. “The backslider in heart shall be filled with his own ways: and a good man shall be satisfied from himself.” (Proverbs 14:14) Enduring joy and happiness are not about what happens, but how you interpret it.
To grow in lasting joy and happiness, you have to grow in your ability to perceive the good in situations that don’t seem good. The way you do this is by learning more of what God knows and becoming more like he is. The more you seek to acquire and assimilate God’s character and knowledge, the more your perceptions will match his, and the more joy you will have.