The most valuable interactions with a given person are limited to about twenty percent of what a normal person would do. How can you make more of your interactions with others into those of the highest quality?
Avoid the trap of seeking fulfillment in busyness. Seek what you do and who you do it with based on what you actually value instead of what is easy or available.
Be more vocal about what matters to you. If someone asks you to do something that you don’t care about, don’t just do it or make up some excuse; tell them that you won’t do it because you don’t care.
Ask the important people in your life what you do that matters most to them, and tell them what matters to you. It is exceedingly likely that what is most important to you is not what is most important to them, and vice-versa. Don’t guess their 20%, and don’t expect them to guess yours. Do this in your romantic relationships, your family, your friendships, and your work connections. While there are some people who know what is most important to their supervisor at work, many don’t, and hardly anyone has had this conversation in families or friendships. How many parents are spending enormous time on extra curricular activities or expensive gifts for a child who might strongly prefer a little one-on-one time at home?
Focus your actions on what matters most. Cut out all small talk. Cut out optional interactions with people that don’t matter. Stop going to meetings or doing things that don’t contribute to what you or someone you care about cares about.
Stop making yourself equally available to all people. Stop checking your email at all times of the day. Make an auto response that indicates you will check email once per business day. Pare down marketing emails by unsubscribing. Stop answering your phone when it’s someone you don’t want to talk to.
Stop making an effort with people who don’t care about you. Implement a rule that defines how many times you will contact someone without being contacted back. At the extreme, you can make your motto: “I will treat those who ghost me as if they were dead.”