The people and situations with which you hesitate to engage can significantly affect your ability to know and achieve your potential. Some people can inspire you so much that you are able to do what you didn’t even think was possible before. Some people can degrade you so much that they make it nearly impossible to even survive.
Emotional friction can wear you down to the point where it significantly affects your quality of life. Though most cases are painfully obvious, it is possible that the undesirable people or situations are so subtle or so longstanding that you don’t notice them. Do you avoid, procrastinate, or dread certain interactions or situations? If so, you might be caught up in emotional friction.
The presence or absence of certain kinds of people in our lives has such strong effects that it begs the question of why so many are surrounded by such toxic people, and why so few leverage the benefits of those who would inspire them to be better. The answer is simple, but sad.
First, people don’t realize they have a choice. No one is obligated to drag along a person who constantly wears them down. Whether it’s a family member, friend, neighbor, or even coworker, everyone has the ability to change their circumstances. When you honestly communicate your expectations and boundaries, as previously recommended, you give others the ability to choose whether or not you will maintain the relationship without immaturely ghosting them.
Second, people are not naturally inclined towards the kinds of people who inspire them to be the best they can be. Some toxic people are obviously unpleasant, but a toxic person can also be quite fun to be around. Do your associates inspire and push you or do they encourage you to do less than your best? Ironically, the kind of person who will bring out the best in you is often confused for a toxic person who causes you emotional friction. To discern between these, ask whether the person is inclining you toward or away from improvement.
When someone’s actions or words make you feel bad, take some time alone to think and write about what is causing you grief. Try to ask yourself what bothers you so much about it. Sometimes, these situations bother us because of undesirable qualities they reveal or emphasize in us. In this case, use the tools in this book to enumerate what you can do to improve in ways that make the person or scenario less difficult.
Seek out those who catalyze your growth, not those who comfort you in your present state. Those who want to be the best they can be will find and spend time with those who help them do just that.