Chapter 9: Address Your Differences with Others

You should overlook the perceived faults of others until and unless you have repented

It is rare to find someone willing and able to righteously judge others. Many refuse to criticize others under the erroneous idea that

Jesus wouldn’t approve of it. The fact is that the Lord commanded us to judge as he would in our place.¹ Others violate the Lord’s instruction by judging others while they still willingly do less than their best.²

You should never criticize anyone while you are doing less than the best you know. You cannot accurately judge anyone while you are intentionally deviating from your idea of what is best:

41 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
42 Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother’s eye. (Luke 6)

The best thing an unrepentant person can do is to repent by forsaking all their sins. The second best thing an unrepentant person can do is to follow the lesson of the parable of the Unjust Steward, doing all possible to forgive the perceived faults of all people (see Luke 16). The worst thing an unrepentant person can do is to judge others.³

It’s not loving to be nice

Professed Christians are quite apt to overlook the faults of others, particularly those closest to them. They mistakenly believe that this is what God would do in their place and what God wants them to do.

The ministry of Christ was so full of the correction of others— especially in what would be considered impolite ways and in inappropriate circumstances—that one must conclude that those who hold this position must be reading from some other book!

People think that they are helping their loved ones by ignoring their faults. In reality, they are causing them tremendous harm. Consider that you know and care about your loved ones more than anyone else. They may successfully hide the fault you see from others, and if you don’t care about them enough to say something, who will?

The more you love someone, the more willing you should be to chasten them,⁴ even if it will cost you public shame,⁵ and even if it will cost you your relationship with that person. If you really care about someone, you will do everything you can to help them without regard to what you might lose in return.⁶

There is nothing kind, beneficial, nor loving about refraining from pointing out potential improvement in others. The choice to remain silent in the face of disagreeable behavior has nothing to do with the benefit of others, and everything to do with your desire to avoid confrontation. It is cowardice—not charity—that motivates you to remain silent. True love doesn’t count the cost.⁷

The Lord loved us by showing us the potential of man, fulfilled in himself, the express image of the Father.⁸ He showed his love by helping others see potential beyond what they thought they had. For example, when the rich young ruler came to him asking what more he could do, Jesus “loved” him by inviting him to specific improvements.⁹ We fulfill the Lord’s charge to love others as he loved us¹⁰ by helping them see, believe, and fulfill greater potential in themselves.¹¹

Love is the willingness to sacrifice for the benefit of another. Part of loving your neighbor as if he were yourself¹² is pointing out to your neighbor what your conscience points out to you. You love your neighbor by pointing out deviations from the maximal potential that you perceive.

Some will argue that while they agree that God chastens those he loves, we should not do that, because we are not him. He is our master, and he has sent us to do what he did:

This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. (John 15:12)

Then said Jesus to them again, Peace be unto you: as my Father hath sent me, even so send I you. (John 20:21)

If you refuse to do or say what he would in your place, you are ashamed of God, and God is ashamed of you:

Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels. (Mark 8:38)

“Open rebuke is better than secret love.” (Proverbs 27:5) Pointing out the faults of others is the most loving thing you can do.

Ignoring the faults of others does not secure forgiveness for you or them

It is good to forgive those who sin, but it is better to do what you can to help them stop sinning. While these are not mutually exclusive, too many people find comfort in forgiving another person for sin while refusing to do what they can to help them stop. This disconnect reveals the motive for such behavior to be selfishness, not love. People incorrectly think that if they ignore the faults of others, God will ignore theirs. God does not and cannot forgive willful sin.¹³ While forgiving others of the willful sins for which they have repented is necessary in order for God to forgive you of the willful sins of which you have repented, God will not forgive you of willful unrepentant sin, even if you forgive the willful unrepentant sin of others.

The life of a person who is living in sin will not improve until and unless they stop sinning. Your forgiveness will not change their lives. Forgiveness is not given because of confession of sin alone; it also requires cessation of sin:

And again, believe that ye must repent of your sins and forsake them, and humble yourselves before God; and ask in sincerity of heart that he would forgive you; and now, if you believe all these things see that ye do them. (Mosiah 4:10)

By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins— behold, he will confess them and forsake them. (D&C 58:43)

You can choose to forgive those who have not repented, but that doesn’t mean God will.

Forgiving others by ignoring their bad behavior does nothing to prevent the consequences of that behavior. Your willingness to overlook their decisions until now does nothing to help them encounter the blessings of obedience to something better. If you love a person who sins, you will do what you can to help them stop.

Boldness in saying what God would say comes from boldness in doing what God would do

Many shy away from boldly speaking as the Lord would in their place because they feel guilty for not living up to what they believe is best. The guilt you feel when speaking hypocritically is not an excuse not to speak up. Rather, it is a call to become capable of speaking as the Lord would in your place without hypocrisy through first doing what he would in your place, or in other words, repenting of your sins.¹⁴

If you want more courage in saying what the Lord would say, change your life to do more of what the Lord would do:

Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven. (D&C 121:45)

18 My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.
19 And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before him.
20 For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.
21 Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God.
22 And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight. (1 John 3)

Those who act as they believe the Lord would at all times have no lack of courage in saying what he would.¹⁵ As you increase your heed and obedience to what you believe is best, you will find that your confidence in inviting others to be better will increase.

Conflict is required for intimacy

One of the greatest consequences of the terrible advice to be nice is the nullification of some of the most important and worthwhile intended effects of close relationships. Relationships with spouses, children, parents, and dear friends are meant to provide deep meaning and companionship. None of these intended outcomes can occur with relationships sterilized by niceness.

Intimacy is a measure of the depth of shared reality. It is a measure of shared awareness and co-existence of thoughts, feelings, and actions. The meaning that can be shared between any two people is limited by the intimacy shared between them. The limits of intimacy you experience with others in life probably indicates a similar limit in your intimacy with God, for all the same reasons.

Intimacy cannot be attained or maintained without conflict. To be a true friend, and especially a loyal spouse, requires you to do all you can to help each other be the best you can be, which certainly requires you to correct each other, especially telling each other what no one else can see, what no one else cares enough to tell them, and what they least want to hear.

Too many suffer from relationship sterilized by an unspoken quidpro-quo: you will not criticize them if they will not criticize you. To ignore differences is to lose whatever unity you had before as well as to miss out on the opportunity for greater intimacy through reconciling to more of revealed reality together. Sameness through intentional ignorance is not unity. What is the point of having a relationship with someone when it is only maintainable through a lengthy list of things you can’t talk about or do together, or parts of you that the other person doesn’t want to experience?

Intimacy is maintained and grown when two people respond by making the changes necessary to remain reconciled in light of a greater revelation of reality. Life will reveal new differences in thoughts, feelings, or actions between you and any other person. A greater revelation of reality acts as a catalyst, not just to reveal previously hidden differences, but for one or both people to improve their thoughts, feelings, or actions beyond prior hidden limits. Intimacy is increased through discovering and resolving differences, and decreased through ignoring and maintaining them. To the extent that these differences cannot co-exist, it is incumbent upon you to address them.

Fear God more than man

One reason people withhold from correcting others is that they fear what those people will do in response. We live in a society of lies. In ancient times, prophets drew great persecution by correctly pronouncing undesirable predictions upon people.¹⁶ In our day, such predictions are met with at least as much resistance, unbelief, and violence.¹⁷ In our day, it’s not just that prophets are told not to prophesy;¹⁸ normal people are commanded to ignore the obvious and well-known consequences of cause and effect and told not to speak what were considered indisputable statements of the obvious truth just a few years prior.

If you dare challenge what the mob has decreed, you will be treated to ridicule, false accusations, and violence.¹⁹ You could lose your job, your friends, and your family. The incidence and intensity of recent response has markedly increased, and it will continue to get worse. Society is marching headlong into times long foretold when people will be killed just for speaking the truth.²⁰ Rather than challenge the status quo, more and more people simply submit to the threats of the mob, not realizing they are bringing upon them far worse consequences than the ire of the mob.

Correcting others is a non-negotiable requirement for retaining and growing in the breadth, depth, and accuracy of the truth that you perceive. Your ability to view potential is the same, whether you apply it to yourself or others. When you willingly ignore or otherwise fail to act on the potential you could see in others, you absolutely reduce your ability to see or act on your own.

2 ...with some I am not well pleased, for they will not open their mouths, but they hide the talent which I have given unto them, because of the fear of man. Wo unto such, for mine anger is kindled against them.
3 And it shall come to pass, if they are not more faithful unto me, it shall be taken away, even that which they have. (D&C 60)

To the extent that you do all you can to help all people and things incline towards their potential, your ability to see reality will expand in breadth, depth, and accuracy. To the extent that you withhold from doing all you can to help all people and things incline towards their potential, your ability to see reality will diminish.

To fear another’s reaction to correction is to fear man more than God,²¹ as God expects you to do all you can to help others see and fulfill their potential.²² Those who care more about what others think than they do what God thinks value the opinion of others more than the sanctity of their own conscience. They turn further and further away from the truth, and have stronger aspersion to truth and those who espouse it.

The process as it is supposed to occur

Earth life is designed to facilitate access to and acceptance of better ideas through interactions with people who have them. We are meant to be lights to other people, and other people are meant to be lights to us.²³ As two people honestly share conflicting ideas, they will both draw nearer to the truth,²⁴ and both draw nearer to God in doing so.²⁵ This process is so critical that it serves a central role in how Zion is formed.

For Zion’s sake will I not hold my peace, and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not rest, until the righteousness thereof go forth as brightness, and the salvation thereof as a lamp that burneth. (Isaiah 62:1)

6 I have set watchmen upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold their peace day nor night: ye that make mention of the Lord, keep not silence,
7 And give him no rest, till he establish, and till he make Jerusalem a praise in the earth. (Isaiah 62)

We can’t know a priori who has the greater light in the situations we are in. We go forth as humble servants, not knowing if we are going to teach or be taught.²⁶ Those willing to do so with the assumption that they will be taught will increasingly find that that they have something of worth to share,²⁷ but you can’t know which is the case if you never open your ears to hear or your mouth to tell the truth.

To take part in this process and receive the benefits from it, you have to notice and confront those whose thoughts, feelings, and actions differ from what you would do in their place.

Help others make things the best they can be

Your awareness will grow as a function of your honesty. As you become more honest in acknowledging your own faults, you will increase in how easily you can see the faults in others. Their own ability to see their faults—like your own—is based on their honesty, and as your honesty grows relative to the average person’s, the faults you will see will increase. Increased ability to see faults comes with increased responsibility to do something about them.

God’s will is for everything to be as good as it can be. Since Eden, mankind has been charged to discover and implement the potential of all things.²⁸ Sin is what is less than what is best,²⁹ and we are accountable for the sin we see but do not say anything about.³⁰ Your obligation as a believer in Jesus is to address all situations that deviate from your understanding of the best they could be:

Behold, I sent you out to testify and warn the people, and it becometh every man who hath been warned to warn his neighbor. (D&C 88:81)

Point out options, costs, and benefits of which others are unaware. Help other people see the additional options you see, giving them sufficient reasons to believe that they exist, they are possible, and they are better. Help others see consequences beyond what they see: both in terms of benefits and costs. Help them understand the consequences they don’t recognize or correctly estimate.

Many people today would consider the mention of others’ faults as being overly judgmental. However, the fact is that, in most cases, a person recognizes their own dishonesty and will give blatant indications of this before you draw attention to it. We all constantly leak out clues about our own judgment of our own thoughts, feelings, and actions—you just have to learn to recognize them. This tendency not only gives a strong tool for ensuring your judgment is just,³¹ but also highlights the moral obligation you have of calling out the faults of others. One of the reasons people continue to emit clues of their own self-judgment, even when they see themselves as doing something wrong, is that they are subconsciously seeking to soothe their conscience. If a person emits a pseudo confession to you, they are seeking pseudo forgiveness from you, which they will obtain if you allow their confession of moral crime to stand unchallenged. Do not let people do this. When someone admits to you that they have done less than their best, call attention to it, whether it is a seemingly small or large issue. Every time you leave a pseudo confession unchallenged, you contaminate yourself with the same dishonesty of the confessor, and open the door to surprisingly substantial consequences.

If you see a person doing something other than what you think is best, bring it up. When a person does less than the best they know, point it out to them. When a person does less than the best you believe they are capable of, you should say something to them to indicate that you believe they are capable of more, giving them as strong a reason as you can to prove your point.

Some people will act as badly as they can get away with. Having numbed their conscience, they no longer feel guilt and are only governed by the desire to avoid getting caught. To help them, confront them when you see them do or say something wrong.³² If they do so in public, confront them publicly.³³ Help them feel the guilt they should for what they could have done better.

If you are bothered by something, bring it up

If you are bothered by something, say something. You can do so strategically by choosing the best time and place instead of doing so in the moment, but don’t let things slide. You may believe that withholding how you really think and feel is righteousness, but you are really only practicing deceit. Jesus engaged those around him when what they did bothered him. Jeremiah spoke of fire in his bones preventing him from remaining silent.³⁴ There are many such cases throughout scripture where righteous people acted righteously in speaking out about what bothered them. If you care enough to be bothered, care enough to confront.

The many situations in which you should point out differences

If you notice a difference in your perception from the person with whom you are speaking, bring it up. When a person has insufficient reasons for what they believe, point it out to them. When a person uses bad logic, point it out to them.³⁵ When a person presents their conclusions, ask for their reasons. If they have none, help them understand that they have not undertaken the necessary research to have a position on this issue

Many people will publicly proclaim falsehoods. Counter them by publicly contradicting them. This could happen on the street, in a meeting, or during a class. Sometimes falsehoods are uttered in sincerity, sometimes to test whether they will be allowed, and sometimes to compel you to say the same. Do not let error enjoy a greater dispersion than truth. Any time you are compelled to repeat what is false, boldly assume the cost, and speak the truth instead. The falsehood could be about an idea, a thing, or a person. It could be intentional or accidental. Do not ignore when someone incorrectly criticizes something or someone good. In every case, confront them them.³⁶ Any time you are assaulted with an obvious lie, resist the temptation to remain silent. Speak the truth by challenging the falsehood.³⁷ Show them where they are mistaken or lying.

When you think you have a better idea than someone else, share your reasons for what you believe.³⁸ Realize that what you find to be sufficient reasons for your own belief might not be considered sufficient to them. Incumbent upon those who would help others improve is the duty to reformulate reasons into those that are most likely to be accepted by others. Remember that faith is a question of how willing someone is to respond to sufficiency of reason. This doesn’t mean that others will respond to the same information you did, or to the same form in which you received it. Your job is to make arguments better fitting for the other person than those you found sufficient.

Give people a chance to explain themselves

Give people a chance to defend themselves before talking about them. Don’t speak about a person until you have spoken to that person. You shouldn’t say something about someone that you wouldn’t say if they knew about it. Do your best to give people the benefit of the doubt and to confront them about rumors before spreading them.³⁹ In most cases, reflection on the matter will reveal that the issue is none of your business, even if true. Something should have to be very important to occupy your attention.⁴⁰ If it doesn’t matter enough to go through the trouble of verifying, don’t bother spreading it. If it is worth verifying, ask before assuming. Don’t just suppose that you know the whole story or that their motives are what yours would need to be for you to do what they are allegedly doing. In all cases, be prepared to be told to mind your own business, which is a perfectly valid response given how often busybodies are corrected in the scriptures.⁴¹

Don’t let anyone double down in lying to you

Recognize and resist the use of manipulative language. Rephrase ideas that are stated in an intentionally provocative way. Insist the other person say what is really meant instead of making insinuations, oversimplifications, or using slogans. Refuse to acknowledge language that shifts the blame for poor decisions (for example, “died by suicide” instead of “killed himself ”). Point out and refuse to use words created or redefined in the modern era.

Be an example with how you respond to criticism

Admit fault when persuaded of it.⁴² It is vitally important to admit your faults as you realize them, up to the degree of damage they caused. It is dishonest to refuse to say you are sorry and mean it when you have transgressed against another. It is especially dishonest to admit great fault in a minimal way. The Lord plainly taught that the greater the transgression, the greater ought to be the appreciation for forgiveness of it:

42 And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?
43 Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged. (Luke 7)

If you did something you knew was wrong, or perpetuate transgressions of the same kind repeatedly against the same person, or have deeply violated trust, or any number of other errors of great consequence or particularly nefarious motive, a simple “sorry” is dishonestly insufficient, and makes the matter worse than it was before.

When a person makes a better argument than you, change your perspective. You may not yet agree with them, but honesty compels you to at least adopt less confidence in your position than you previously had. If the event that the conclusion and reasons are stronger than yours, the only honest reaction is to adopt them as your own. This is such a rare occurrence that it is a strong indication of deep honesty in any person who does it.

Don’t respond to criticism with dishonesty. There are several dishonest reactions to criticism, including:

• Blame shifting: Rerouting responsibility for the criticized fault to the one criticizing. No matter what happens prior to each choice you make, you alone are responsible for the choice.
• Gaslighting: Denying the criticism without sufficient reason to disbelieve it. You can’t change reality through decree.
• Triggering the accuser: Attempting to anger the one criticizing you in order for them to say or do something that you can claim is worse than whatever they are criticizing you for.
• Minimization: Claiming that whatever you are accused of isn’t as bad as the accuser states it is, or that the fact they care about it makes it their fault, not yours.
• Character assassination: Saying bad things about the person who criticized you to others, whether they are true or not. Do not tear down another person to try to feel better about yourself—it will only make you feel worse, as the guilt of the damage you do to them and those who might be helped by them will exceed the guilt you feel for your own prior faults.

All of these dishonest reactions to criticism are designed to soothe the conscience of the guilty without them having to improve. All of these dishonest reactions cause great harm to the one using them. If a criticism is true, the only honest reaction to it is to acknowledge the fault, thank the person for caring enough to help you see it, and make appropriate efforts to improve.

Don’t respond to dishonesty with dishonesty. Increasingly often, people feel justified in being dishonest in order to catch others in their dishonesty.⁴³ There is no way to do this without harming yourself. Anyone tempted to lie in order to catch another in a lie should try to honestly consider their motives. Too frequently, those who lie in order to incriminate another are after something other than proving the other person a liar. For example, they may want to make the person look bad in order to make themselves look better in comparison, or to justify past or present poor decisions. Is it worth joining another in the penalties of lying in order to publicly expose them? The consequences of lying are upon a liar whether others presently recognize them as liars or not.⁴⁴ The person you attempt to ensnare may respond honestly by improving, but you will remain a liar whether they do or not.

Never ghost others and always confront those who attempt to ghost you. Ghosting someone is not the same as refuting their argument. If you don’t have a reasonable counterargument, the honest response is to admit to the other person that they have a better position than yours. You could also ask for time to think or conduct more research, but don’t ignore the point made. Similarly, don’t tolerate this behavior from others. Press them into admitting that they lack a sufficient counterargument—doing so is the greatest chance they have for improvement.

Show others what is better through your example

Live up to what you believe at all times and in all places. The strongest reason you can give others to believe what you do is to live what you believe. Living what you believe provides a more tangible example than any vocal argument can provide. Examples speak louder than words. Showing the value of what you believe by example is more important than logically proving that it is correct. Demonstrating what is better by example requires less critical thinking skill and honesty than a superior argument does, and it’s harder to deny what is obviously better than what is rationally superior. You should never attempt to teach others something that you don’t first live yourself. Hypocrites do not have the convincing power of God through the spirit.⁴⁵ Only a fool will believe a hypocrite, and even then only for so long as it takes to encounter the slightest inconvenience in their new belief.

Boost what is good

Your sense of what is valuable and by how much it is valuable will differ from others. There will be many occasions where you find greater value in something than other people do. Boost what is good.⁴⁶ By attempting to draw more attention to what has more value than commonly thought, you will either help others improve the accuracy of their appraisal of good, or be confronted with reasons that you should revise your own. Either way, you win.

Your unique contribution to sharing truth

God places us in precise situations in this life, and he expects us to interact with those around us, helping them see what we do, and learning from them when they see more or better than we do. You have the opportunity to provide unique value to those God has placed around you in life. Many of these people do not see, believe, or value what you do, and at least some will not have access to the information you possess unless you share it with them.

One lie that makes it harder to say what you really think and do what you really believe is the belief that people are essentially interchangeable, and therefore there is no unique benefit provided in living up to the best you know. The truth is that not all people see or value the same things, and everyone differs in how much they are willing to reconcile to and share what they see, believe, and value.⁴⁷ Our differential capacity to understand value, see potential, and affect change makes every individual’s contribution important. Our many differences include:

• The unique experiences we’ve had.
• The degree of truth we perceive and the accuracy with which we perceive it.
• How much opposition we tolerate in our willingness to live the truth ourselves.
• How much opposition we tolerate in our willingness to tell the truth to others.

Because of the diversity of subjective experience, each person serves as an information source for everyone else. Each person sees a different degree of truth, and at a different accuracy. It is immensely important that each person tell the truth as they see it.⁴⁸

Even if those around you have access to others who would say the same thing in the same way you could, why would they? Just because a person in your life has access to others who see, believe, or value what you do doesn’t mean that those other people will have the courage to share.

The best way to gain greater understanding is to share the understanding you already have

It is very unlikely that the beliefs you come up with on your own will be as good as those you could discover through investigating the beliefs of others and comparing them against your own. After all, what is the likelihood that you have learned as much about all things as the composite of everyone you will ever meet? As we share what we perceive, what we believe about it, and why, we provide vital information that, when honestly processed, will help both parties develop more correct perspectives and stronger reasons to support them.⁴⁹

Many people abstain from sharing their beliefs for fear of pushback or critique from others, but this is precisely one of the greatest benefits of doing so. When you share your beliefs, you will either grow in your confidence in them, or find something better to believe in. Inherent in sincerely sharing your beliefs with others is opening yourself to their feedback. It shouldn’t be a rare case that sharing your beliefs and especially your reasons for them result in you changing one or both. You will either come away with stronger reasons for believing what you did before, weaker reasons, or coming away with new beliefs. All of these are positive outcomes, because all of them lead you to greater truth than whatever you had before.

What happens when differences between people are not addressed

Intervening in the decisions of others is a difficult activity in the modern world. In an environment where we are told that what others do is not our concern, we both neglect to speak up and are neglected in being spoken to.

A surprising degree of our common reticence to confront others comes from the cushioning surplus of modern life, where most mistakes can be easily absorbed into the unmerited prosperity surrounding us.

Ironically, it is precisely the historical paucity of reticence—at least on the part of the wise—that provides the prosperity that enables its abundance today. Throughout history, wise men and women have done all they could reasonably do to fight back against bad ideas. It’s easy to overlook just how much of the ministry of God’s servants was spent in directly refuting bad ideas. Even activities that seem completely different were actually surprisingly connected. For example, smashing idols, casting out devils, or conquering the Canaanites were all ways of pushing back against the spread of bad ideas created and maintained through falsehood.

Too often, what is said is chosen based on how easy it is to say, rather than how much it needs to be said. The most important things to say are those that are hardest to hear. Fighting falsehood always causes offense to those who love lies, but the fight is required for those few who will listen, and beneficial to all in either case.

The Lord has called us to care for his sheep.⁵⁰ Your sheep include those you are directly responsible for, as well any any for whom you could render benefit without displacing something more important. You shepherd your sheep by providing what is necessary for them to develop into their full potential, subject to the limits in your understanding and resources. This requires understanding the hierarchy of what is most important. If a shepherd has to choose between saving a sheep’s life and avoiding hurting its feelings, there is no question which is more important. Shepherds do not neglect taking care of the sheep for fear of harming wolves in the process.⁵¹ In fact, a good shepherd proactively hunts wolves before they attack.⁵² Unfortunately, these lessons are lost on most modern Christians and parents alike, who routinely spare the wolves as if they were worth preserving, and sacrifice the sheep for fear of hurting their feelings.

Everything that everyone does matters to everyone. Every bad idea allowed to remain unchallenged affects the moral calibration of society. Immense consequences are unleashed based on whether or not truth is publicly defended. Lying is a communicable disease to which truth tellers are the only cure. Every unanswered challenge to the truth renders the conscience of all involved less willing to accept invitations of improvement and less capable of seeing the truth, paving the way for grosser violations of it in the future. Every lie told increases the likelihood of someone else lying. The more lies are told, the more that will be told, as there are many who will only tell the truth if everyone else is.⁵³

If you do nothing to challenge the differences you perceive between yourself and others, you pass on the opportunity to help those who may not have the experience, awareness, or courage that you do. You guarantee that worse ideas and their effects will flow down to those who are less willing or able to contend with them than you are. The only reason that we have to say things that shouldn’t have to be said is that those who should have said something said nothing.

There is a critical cohort of people who are aware of greater truth, are able to recognize deviations from it, have the integrity to live it themselves, and have the courage to help others to do the same. Without the opposing force of those who have uncommon honesty, courage, and understanding of reality, society will execute a downward spiral where they gradually lose more and more of the wisdom they have inherited from previous generations. Truth tellers—those who are willing to tell the truth, no matter how unpopular, are the only force stemming the otherwise inevitable chain reaction of increasing dishonesty. Become such a person, and make the enormous contribution you alone can in this world full of people not yet willing to do the same.⁵⁴