Honest people assume responsibility over every aspect of their lives. An honest person takes responsibility for both their successes and their failures.1 They do not blame others for what is within their ability to change. They also honestly take credit for their contributions.
A common way people avoid admitting fault is by blaming someone else for who they are, how they are, and what they do. Consider how often people dishonestly discuss obesity, suicide, sexual sin, mental misery, drugs, and every other harmful choice as anything but a choice.
Be responsible for your life and what you use it for. Don’t blame other people for things that are your fault:
30 And now remember, remember, my brethren, that whosoever perisheth, perisheth unto himself; and whosoever doeth iniquity, doeth it unto himself; for behold, ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free.
31 He hath given unto you that ye might know good from evil, and he hath given unto you that ye might choose life or death; and ye can do good and be restored unto that which is good, or have that which is good restored unto you; or ye can do evil, and have that which is evil restored unto you. (Helaman 14)
As long as you make others the scapegoat for your own unhappiness, you will never be happy. While you incorrectly ascribe your undesirable situation to factors outside of your control, you will never address what you can do to improve your situation, overcome the problems that presently overcome you, or remove the avoidable suffering they cause in your life. Blame shifting can’t provide any longterm improvement to your inner or outer circumstances. Like every other lie, it can only temporarily delay consequences whose eventual price is magnified by lying about it. It is the truth that makes you free,2 not deflection.
Before blaming others for your situation, first ask whether there is anything that you could do to change it.3 It is almost always the case that the critical portions of the situations you do not like are wholly within your control. Even in the extremely rare case where your situation is completely out of your hands, your reaction to it is still 100% your choice. What are you going to do about it?
The path to happiness lies in first doing what lies in your own power to fix those things about yourself you know are contributing to your lack of happiness.4
The key to greater meaning in life lies in assuming greater responsibility. Anything that reduces your personal responsibility for what you do and why you do it will negatively affect your life more than anything else. The key to meaning lies in the choices you make and the reasons you make them. Your choices can only improve as you pay more attention to and improve how and why you make them. These improvements come in proportion to the responsibility you assume, as any lack of responsibility translates into reduced recognition and implementation of potential improvement. The more responsibility you assume, the more improvement you will achieve. The more responsibility you assume, the better your decisions will be. The less personal responsibility you assume, the less likely you are to make good choices.
What you do and why you do it are always fully your choice. The experiences you’ve had and the choices of others absolutely influence the ease or difficulty of that choice, but they don’t make the choice for you. No matter the role played by others or the challenges of your situation, you always have the power to choose.5 God created “both things to act and things to be acted upon,” (2 Nephi 2:14) and you were created to act. You are an independent agent, endowed by God with the freedom to choose:
Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves—to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life. (2 Nephi 10:23)
`And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given. (2 Nephi 2:26)`
If you ever do less than your best, you alone bear full responsibility.6 At any time you have the full power to choose what to do and why to do it.
Footnotes
- 1. In one particularly honest ancient government system, the people embraced both the opportunity for “every man” to “have an equal chance throughout all the land” as well as “a willingness to answer for his own sins” (Mosiah 29:38). ↩
- 2. And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. (John 8:32) ↩
- 3. Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed. (D&C 123:17) ↩
- 4. For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do. (2 Nephi 25:23) ↩
- 5. Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself. (2 Nephi 2:27) ↩
- 6. And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given. (2 Nephi 2:26) ↩