Don’t celebrate faults

We live in a society that pretends that you can be one way and feel another way. This is a lie. If you want to feel better, you actually have to become better. You can’t hold to what makes you feel bad and still feel better.¹

In recent years, the idea of celebrating your flaws has become vogue. For example, consider how many guilty people post celebratory confessions on social media. In this ritual designed to alleviate the guilt of all involved for willingly doing less than their best, the poster will describe how poorly they are performing, knowing they will be propped up by affirming replies from legions of similarly-flawed people seeking alleviation of the same guilt.

You can be yourself without celebrating your flaws. Don’t flaunt your faults.² Not only do you encourage the continued suffering of those who know they need to be better than they are, you also prevent those who would have improved from even trying,³ all while ensuring everyone is less likely to ever figure out the root cause of their selfinflicted malaise.

Virtue exists in purging the vices that you have, not in admitting that you have them. Until you actually improve, you won’t feel any better, and bragging about your faults will just encourage others to remain in their own. It is not possible to enduringly experience better feelings without first making consistently better decisions. To encourage anyone otherwise is to prolong and worsen their suffering while increasing your own.

Those encouraged to celebrate their disease aren’t likely to find or even bother looking for its cause and cure. In general, it’s unwise to look for relief from those whose job depends on the perpetuation of the problem that ails you. People like Brene Brown sell a way to feel better about the less-than-best choices you make instead of feeling better by making better choices than you used to. While persuading people to celebrate their flaws is an easy way to gin up book sales and speaking engagements, it is extraordinarily harmful. Too many professions exist today that claim to solve problems when they actually only provide temporary treatment for surface symptoms.⁴ Such occupations have untouchable job security, as desperate people will willingly part with any amount of money for the promise of better outcomes without the need for better choices, and their perpetually unsolved problem will keep them coming back.

It is impossible to avoid suffering that comes from the choices of others, but you can minimize avoidable suffering by making better choices. It is possible to avoid suffering that comes from your own choices. Regret, guilt, and shame all stem from choices that were less than the best we knew at the time.