It’s not loving to be nice

Professed Christians are quite apt to overlook the faults of others, particularly those closest to them. They mistakenly believe that this is what God would do in their place and what God wants them to do.

The ministry of Christ was so full of the correction of others— especially in what would be considered impolite ways and in inappropriate circumstances—that one must conclude that those who hold this position must be reading from some other book!

People think that they are helping their loved ones by ignoring their faults. In reality, they are causing them tremendous harm. Consider that you know and care about your loved ones more than anyone else. They may successfully hide the fault you see from others, and if you don’t care about them enough to say something, who will?

The more you love someone, the more willing you should be to chasten them,¹ even if it will cost you public shame,² and even if it will cost you your relationship with that person. If you really care about someone, you will do everything you can to help them without regard to what you might lose in return.³

There is nothing kind, beneficial, nor loving about refraining from pointing out potential improvement in others. The choice to remain silent in the face of disagreeable behavior has nothing to do with the benefit of others, and everything to do with your desire to avoid confrontation. It is cowardice—not charity—that motivates you to remain silent. True love doesn’t count the cost.⁴

The Lord loved us by showing us the potential of man, fulfilled in himself, the express image of the Father.⁵ He showed his love by helping others see potential beyond what they thought they had. For example, when the rich young ruler came to him asking what more he could do, Jesus “loved” him by inviting him to specific improvements.⁶ We fulfill the Lord’s charge to love others as he loved us⁷ by helping them see, believe, and fulfill greater potential in themselves.⁸

Love is the willingness to sacrifice for the benefit of another. Part of loving your neighbor as if he were yourself⁹ is pointing out to your neighbor what your conscience points out to you. You love your neighbor by pointing out deviations from the maximal potential that you perceive.

Some will argue that while they agree that God chastens those he loves, we should not do that, because we are not him. He is our master, and he has sent us to do what he did:

This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. (John 15:12)

Then said Jesus to them again, Peace be unto you: as my Father hath sent me, even so send I you. (John 20:21)

If you refuse to do or say what he would in your place, you are ashamed of God, and God is ashamed of you:

Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels. (Mark 8:38)

“Open rebuke is better than secret love.” (Proverbs 27:5) Pointing out the faults of others is the most loving thing you can do.