When people base their self-image on actual evidence, they tend to pay attention only to the good qualities or the highlight reel of their best moments. Tremendous efforts are expended to hide certain unflattering internal and external qualities from others, and far too often from oneself. When your self-image is skewed towards your best behavior, your self-appraisal is as inaccurate as calculating the cost of a car based only on the days you spend no money on it.
Your true character is the integration of all your attributes: everything from the best to the worst. This is not to say that your selfappraisal ought to be an average. The disastrous character failures that generate almost all of the worst parts of everyone’s life come from exceptionally bad departures from their standard behavior. For example, murders and rapists do neither on the average day. In like manner, even the staunchest liar doesn’t lie all or even most of the time. A person who is good most of the time is not good all of the time.
While it is too strong to say that all that matters in measuring a person’s character is what they do at their worst, it probably matters more than anything else. The truth is that your worst behavior tells more about who you really are than anyone would like. Who you really are, deep down inside, is defined by what you think, what you feel, and what you do, including (and perhaps especially) in your worst moments. We can—and do—erect all sorts of flattering facades, but in our worst moments we fail to maintain them. When our facades drop, we show who we really are, for better or for worse.
We absolutely have to pay attention to how we feel and act at all times and in all places, especially when we don’t like it. People and situations that bring out your worst do the best job of showing how you really are. Don’t hide from your worst performances; use them like training camps—places where you face unusual challenges to develop exceptional strength that you will carry back into normal situations.