Other people can help you see beyond the limits of self-imposed blindness

The more you engage in dishonesty, the more numb you become to the ever-increasing damage you cause in yourself and others. Just as someone else is usually the first to tip you off to the presence of a skinnumbing biting mosquito, you may need the observations of an objective third party who cares more about you than you do to point out unnoticed harm. Once you have lost the ability to feel guilt while lying, the habit can only be broken through extensive, deliberate effort, typically requiring a patient, determined, and very kind friend who is willing to help you notice when you are dishonest. These people are rare in the population, but even rarer in the friend circles of established liars, from which they are summarily extirpated as part of the liars’ attempt to avoid guilt by preserving their bubble of delusion. As a result, the jolt of truth usually comes from an outsider during a chance encounter.¹

An illustration of the full cycle—from neglectful lack of intention to willful lies, to continuously lying without conscious choice, to being suddenly confronted with jarring truth from a stranger—is given in the story of Korihor, whose example was discussed earlier to illustrate several other aspects of lying. Korihor gained a following by repeating ideas that were popular, but which he knew were false. After experiencing the eventual consequences of his repeated lies, Korihor admitted that he had known he was lying all along, but was seduced into believing them the more he repeated them.² Korihor’s repetition of lies didn’t just reduce his ability to see the truth, they transformed him so extensively that any relief of the negative consequences he incurred would result in him immediately resuming his previous behavior.³