Making deep change
It is possible to spend great effort in what you think is making you a better person, but in reality is only changing surface-level behaviors. Much of what people think of as deep changes are really just cosmetic changes to your exterior.
Too many people invest energy into making outward changes that aren’t reflected in their inward selves. These are they “which glory in appearance, and not in heart.” (2 Corinthians 5:12) When you only make superficial changes, you will find that your unchanged core values repeatedly resurface,1 usually in times of duress or pressure, but sometimes in quite normal situations.
A person who pretends to have changed will expect those around them to treat them as if they’ve changed, while those same people are the ones who will have to suffer as the person repeatedly reveals that they haven’t.
The correct order of change is from within, not from without. In the tabernacle of Moses, sacrifices increased in sacred importance the closer they occurred to the Holy of Holies: first in the outer courtyard, then on the altar of incense before the veil, and last on the mercy seat of the Ark itself. This pattern of sacrifices increasing in importance as they become more internal is something that we all ought to learn from and live by. In your life, the outward sacrifices that you make through the actions you take should lead to ever-more-internal shifts in your thoughts, motives, and feelings. While this sort of inward improvement is triggered by outward change, the goal is to propagate the light within you so that it flows into outward improvement.2 The goal is to increase the light without by first increasing and then propagating outward the light within.
It does not please God when you attempt to fix yourself from the outside in:
Do ye suppose that God will look upon you as guiltless while ye sit still and behold these things? Behold I say unto you, Nay. Now I would that ye should remember that God has said that the inward vessel shall be cleansed first, and then shall the outer vessel be cleansed also. (Alma 60:23)
No amount of outward zeal will correct or excuse persistent inward misalignment. There is a prominent lie in both secular and religious life that as long as you publicly obey certain external standards, you can be free of the guilt of being less than the best you know you could be. This is not true, and the prevalence of misery, lack of confidence, and lack of meaning attest to this fact.
It is honesty in the deep and hidden parts of ourselves where meaningful progress is made:
6 Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
16 For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. (Psalm 51)
Changes limited to the surface always leave obvious clues. When deep changes occur, the change propagates through all connected surface-level behaviors. When shallow changes occur, related surfacelevel behaviors do not change. For example, Jesus pointed out that the pretentious Pharisees cared much about their outward appearances, but regularly practiced behaviors that showed how corrupt their hearts still were:
37 And as he spake, a certain Pharisee besought him to dine with him: and he went in, and sat down to meat.
38 And when the Pharisee saw it, he marvelled that he had not first washed before dinner.
39 And the Lord said unto him, Now do ye Pharisees make clean the outside of the cup and the platter; but your inward part is full of ravening and wickedness.
40 Ye fools, did not he that made that which is without make that which is within also? (Luke 11)
Ordering some parts of how you are is not the same as ordering all parts of how you are. You truly have to subject your deepest self to the light of your own ability to reason. You have to intently examine and improve your core values and your fundamental understanding of the world and of yourself. When you do this, “...all things are clean unto you,” (Luke 11:41) and you have a clear conscience that empowers you to 1) confidently do hard things, 2) accept and cherish compliments, 3) appreciate and enjoy the good you do in the world, and 4) appreciate and enjoy the good in others.