Some people have the unfortunate company of those who constantly discourage them from trying to improve themselves. When disparaging spouses, family members, or friends repeatedly signal that they do not believe you will ever be more than you presently are, it can be incredibly disheartening. You can find this message in surprising places, such as church, where most allegedly Christian teachers believe that you can never be more than you presently are, but if you can, it won’t be by very much. If you believe someone who tells you you’re hopelessly worthless, you will turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Significant improvement requires your whole heart and soul, and you will never pour those into anything that you believe to be impossible.
Conversely, if you believe someone who says you are capable of becoming better than you are, you will prove them right, too, for all of the opposite reasons. When you have credible reasons to believe that you are capable of more than you thought, you will try more than you would otherwise, and you will experience the benefits of doing so. This effect has been noted in many environments where a visionary, example-providing leader like Steve Jobs demanded outsized performance from others. In these situations, those involved always end up saying things like “when Steve was around, you felt like you could do anything, and you could.”
Always believe the voices that show you how you can be better, but never believe the voices that tell you that you can’t improve or don’t need to. Be the biggest optimist when it comes to potential, and an unrelenting critic when it comes to actuality.